Dating member alcoholics anonymous

As long as I'm not using and we're not using and are in a program, I'm safe. Getting into an intimate relationship prematurely is, as my mother would say, "Ill-conceived, ill-advised and ill-consummated." Odds are more than fifty percent of marriages will end in divorce for the general population.Want to venture a guess as to the odds for those in early recovery who test this cardinal rule Despite one's best laid plans or intentions to not re-enact the same dysfunction and failures of previous relationships, the odds are overwhelmingly against the relationship -- doomed to be dysfunctional or have a shortened life expectancy. Newcomers shudder at the prospect of never (ever, ever) being able to drink again. Even more importantly, if I, after 31 years, 2 months, and 4 days, fall off the wagon, what have I lost? It makes it easier to clamber back on again, and go for that 90 day chip. Respect the first tradition: anonymity Which, of course, is what I’m flagrantly not doing here.

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The place where, as the joke goes, they won’t even let Swiss born Roger Federer join the tennis club. Sharing is not conversation One of the first things newcomers have to learn is that ‘cross-talk’ – meaning dialogue, talking ‘to’ others in the group, during a meeting – is a no-no. The others listen, carefully reflecting on your spilt entrails, like Roman soothsayers. Dialogue leads to argument and argument, before you know it, leads to quarrels. For newcomers they’re coloured leather (or its imitation). It’s flown away, I like to think, to help others embarking on a life without what they thought they couldn’t live without. AA is not, oddly, all that focused on alcohol Only the first of the 12 steps (the admission that you can’t control the stuff, or yourself when you’re drinking) touches on it. I’ve been to meetings at universities where the IQ is stratospheric.

At AA-Gstaad it was espresso coffee and Lindt chocolates to help the millionaires on their path to ‘recovering’. They do not respond (other than with a formal ‘thank you, John, for a wonderful share’, or whatever). Others where there’s a guy just out of prison sitting on one side of you and someone who really ought to be there on the other.

AA's initial Twelve Traditions were introduced in 1946 to help the fellowship be stable and unified while disengaged from "outside issues" and influences.

The Traditions recommend that members and groups remain anonymous in public media, altruistically help other alcoholics and avoid official affiliations with other organizations.

Occasionally, very occasionally, it’s a different story. Chips with everything AA is crazy about chips – or 'sobriety coins'. No two groups are the same Because AA is self-organising at the grass roots level, groups define themselves differently. Others are ‘participation meetings’, where everyone has a chance to share. There are men only meetings, women only meetings, and meetings for any variety of LGBT. Or so meetings like to chant at the end of the session, after reciting the Serenity Prayer. But it’s a refrain in the fellowship that AA works better than aversive medicine (the dreaded antabuse, Ebola in tablet form), white coats (cognitive intelligence therapy), or sermons from self-appointed experts who’ve never themselves been there but know all about it (which, alas, includes most of the medical profession. Nowadays, while sitting on appointment committees, I've seen personal statements in which the job seeker says they’ve been through AA (to counteract any mention of their drinking days in confidential letters of reference). God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.

The most upmarket AA meeting I’ve attended was in Gstaad, Switzerland. You get a version of these small, key-ring medallions after 90 days, six months, and every calendrical milestone thereafter. I’ve had it thirty years and my thumb has worn the inscribed serenity prayer off its surface. Don’t try to work anyone else’s programme, is the guiding motto. Not exclusive (all are welcome), just self-selecting. But, of course, because of the anonymity rule, and no follow-up in the outside world, no one’s really that sure. Instruction about alcoholism at medical schools is abysmal). Never buy a car from someone in your group Likewise, never date anyone in your group.

They also advise against dogma and coercive hierarchies.

Subsequent fellowships such as Narcotics Anonymous have adopted and adapted the Twelve Steps and the Twelve Traditions to their respective primary purposes.

The last thing that an individual will want to do will be to add the stress of a new relationship to the mix.

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